Last week in our house group, we were discussing the previous Sunday’s sermon on Nehemiah responding to the challenges that he faced as he heard about and then responded to the destruction in Jerusalem. As part of our discussions, we were asked to think about and share our thoughts on the question: “Where do you see or sense God is doing something new in your life?” I’m ashamed to say that though I was listening to everyone, I wasn’t actually hearing anything that was being said, as I found myself overwhelmed and fighting back tears. Not because of what they were sharing, but at what I was feeling inside. Eventually, it was my turn to share and everyone turned their attention to me.
As I took a breath to control my emotions, I had images of a number of church leaders playing in my mind. I started by saying that I felt Jesus was breaking my heart (the lyrics of the worship song “Hosanna - Break my heart for what breaks yours” (see below for more lyrics) came to my mind. I explained that over the last year, I’ve had a growing sense of pain, as we’ve spoken in person and online with a number of church leaders. The pain and hurt that they’ve been experiencing, unbeknown to me, has been absorbed into my very being. I am feeling their pain in a way that I didn’t realise that I could. A number of these individuals I had no personal connections with, I had never met them in person, but their pain was becoming my pain!
Looking back a couple of years, to the early days of Time2, I can now see that I was wearing rose tinted glasses! I hadn’t grasped the full extent of what God was calling us to. I had thought that we’d have a large home that we could invite church leaders to come and stay in and be looked after for a few days and that we would send them away refreshed and ready for all that being a church leader entails. I now realise that this was a very naive outlook and would be similar to trying to reattach a severed limb with just a couple of plasters. It’s not just a case of a surgeon attempting to reattach the limb on the surface, but it involves muscles, veins, bones, blood transfusions (I’ll stop here as my medical knowledge has all been gleaned through watching occasional episodes of Casualty and the daytime drama Doctors, plus I have been known to pass out just watching a medical drama), not to mention pain killers and eventually physiotherapy and probably counselling.
I think what I’m trying to say, is that I now know that Time2 is going to be much tougher, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and will involve us in long term relationships with the leaders we meet. It won’t be a one off visit by a leader and their spouse, it is going to involve an ongoing number of visits and chats in between. We’re not likely to be able to deal with the numbers each year that we’d probably first imagined, as we are going to have to commit time and energy to each individual. I still believe that we are called to befriend, to love and to walk with those who come to us. We’re not counsellors and definitely don’t have all the answers, we’re an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, we make coffee and cake, and we’ll love, support and champion those that God brings to us.
I am trusting that this is a positive step forward for Time2. That this new revelation signals that we are moving ever closer to the Time2 home being a reality.
We recently blogged on the story of Nehemiah, about how the broken down walls and burned stones represented church leaders how they may not have totally given up on God, but they feel removed from him, like the scattered stones of Jerusalem. Not fulfilling their purpose because they aren’t fully connected to their foundations and to the rest of the wall. They feel alone and vulnerable. Click hear to read the full blog.
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love
Like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am
For Your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
Hosanna - words and music by Brooke Ligertwood
Read our blog